I remember the day you were taken away from us. They say that this is the kind of thing that will never leave, a thing that will continue to be recounted. They don't know. I carry you with me everyday. For almost a decade now, I've kept the best memories of you and less of the tragedies. But today, my heart breaks again into fragments that I can't count. Is it because I am unable to count the pieces that I am unable to put them back together? I feel like such a mess.Alone I mourn your loss, in the quiet of my own space. I try to push away the regrets, the faults, my fallible humanness and I am feeling sorry for myself. Why do I feel so lost? In the selfish way that they want to miss you, they forget that I mourn you too. They know that I am not to blame yet they need someone to direct their pain. So I steped up, my dear. I let them take, and give, and hate, and hurt. I've been beaten up but what does it matter anymore? I still can't bring you back and neither will their pain. But doing so doesn't honor you.
How have I honored you since then? Not enough. I am afraid, that I don't celebrate life enough as I should. I am a coward who just the other day wished aloud that it should have been me rather than you. How disappointed you would have been to hear me: the one who once made you smile.
I am sorry, my dear. It is just a weak moment and I just miss you. I miss your love.
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Ti napu.The Beachcomber
It's easy to for others to forget the pain that you have to face everyday, but I want you to know, that in this moment I have tears running down my cheeks and my heart is breaking along with yours. :( I pray that you're able to find a soothing balm for your aching heart.
ReplyDelete*sniff* Wish I was there to give you a big hug. Thinking of you. I'm going to call you this week. xoxo
ReplyDeleteGod bless, my friend. Thinking of and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI often keep such emotional and touching posts unread so I can come back and comment later, when I know what to say. But, even later on, I usually don't know what to say. I hope that for today your burden is lifted. I am sorry for your loss and for your pain.
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