Ceremony

I will tell you something about stories,
[he said]
They aren't just for entertainment.
Don't be fooled
They are all we have, you see,
all we have to fight off illness and death.
You don't have anything
if you don't have the stories.
Their evil is mighty
but it can't stand up to our stories.
So they try to destroy the stories
let the stories be confused or forgotten
They would like that
They would be happy
Because we would be defenseless then.

From Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko

I have been feeling imbalanced for quite some time now. The work year got really busy and I had trouble in the keeping boundaries that should keep me mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. It didn’t help that I am usually hard on myself when the year comes to an end. This is the time that I usually become retrospective and analyze whether or not I was successful in what I set forth to do.

I felt overstretched and I couldn’t get to the point where I was content and happy. Then the shootings happened, there was a break in at work, break-ins at friend’s houses and cars. My church family mourned the murder and assault of a young student missionary in Yap, and then one of our own was attacked at night a week later in San Antonio and possibly could have ended up the same way if she wasn’t able to pry herself away. There are still no leads as to who broke in to our office even though there were finger prints lifted. The man who attempted rape and possibly murder in San Antonio still roams Saipan free, and I am sure, had a fun ole time celebrating Christmas and New Years. There were witnesses at that store parking lot but no one did anything that night and no one is coming around to say what they saw. I am sick to my stomach and have had enough of the insidious criminal attitude in my beautiful Saipan.

I stopped writing. I stopped the celebrating. Then slowly the holiday spirit took over. Being with friends, celebrating with the children, praying and the time off from work finally got me to a better place. Then a friend was uncharacteristically upbeat, thankful and optimistic. I appreciated his words, and I finally figured out that my resolution should be those exact three words. Life continues, and my island needs me still- healthy and able to help.

The New Year's Blue Moon on New Year's Day- Saipan Lagoon, Garapan

I started this entry with, a excerpt of Leslie Marmon Silko's book because I was reminded that talking stories with you is important to me. Also in the story, Tayo, the protagonist, partook in traditional ceremonies to help restore his spirit so that he may be able to overcome the demons in his life that haunted him. I have been feeling that I should reconnect with nature and the Creator this new year, so I am gathering some materials for a purification ceremony. I'll probably go to a beach where I can be alone, fast, pray, bathe, and perform a smudge ceremony. I'm really looking forward to this and I'll have to give you an update on a later entry.

Happy New Year, my friends. Ti napu.

The Beachcomber