Tuesday, August 19, 2008

In the Land of Women: Babe, you're not lost

I scanned an abridged version of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and happened upon a section that talks about how a woman tends to withdraw if she doesn't feel good about herself. There is a natural cycle for women, what the author calls the wave that is centered on their ability to give to other people. The wave is said to be stable if a woman feels full of love and energy to give to others. If they continue to give to others and if they don't receive the same amount of love and attention returned to them, then their wave begins to intensify and grow until it eventually crashes. A woman then feels that she has nothing else to give to those in her life. This is when she needs the love of those around her (including herself of course) so that she can come out of the bottom of the wave (per se). Once she is restored by this support (and self love) she is able to again climb to the top of the wave, and once again have love and energy to give.

It was a surprise to know that one of the things that impressed you about me was that I didn’t seem to be held down by the conventions of the world. Honestly, I was late in figuring out that I’ve spent a whole lot of time and effort trying to improve myself. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and how I should change myself in order to make my life work. Then there it was: There was nothing wrong with me, and there was a whole lot of wrongs that I was taught about myself, and how life should be.

Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with you neither. In fact, I think you’re perfect the way you are. This is just a reminder:

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Until the light comes pouring through
It's when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the cross
I said, babe, you're not lost

(from Michael Buble's song Lost)

Take care of yourself. Ti napu.

The Beachcomber


Forgotten said...

Great book! I don't pretend to speak for the entire species, but I think the book has some pretty interesting insights. I think most living things thrive on love and attention though :-).

I'm liking the tone of this one, Beachcomber. Call me a hopeless romantic (I prefer "hopeful" romantic), but dare I hope that Michelangelo's Angel is emerging from that boulder? Just a little?

Just had a conversation with someone I met a few nights ago on this same idea of self discovery, or maybe even re-discovery. I'm glad you're there.


The Beachcomber said...

:) We need reminders that love remains the same; and even more reminders that we should be forgiving of ourselves.

Me? I am as hopeless as you can get. As Neruda put it:
Love is so short, forgetting is so long. Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

I am learning though. Hence, I am on a long break. Thanks, Elle. Glad you enjoy.

Forgotten said...

I KNEW it, Beachcomber! You really are a romantic! You are one of those people that love deeply - what a refreshing quality! I am totally making assumptions, so please forgive me - I mean no harm, I just find you interesting, is all. I'm about to make more assumptions, ready?
You are intelligent, articulate, cultured, and well-rounded. You appear to be conscientious, reflective, and bound by principles. Obviously a thinker...and private. I get that from your blog. I would guess you're an old soul, too.
I'm no man-hater (I'm sure many females are also guilty) but there seems to be a lack of courage in "going all in" and I'm seeing a great deal of half-assed relationships (excuse the term) either because people have had bad experiences or they are too busy playing games. Sad. Results in superficial, uninteresting, cookie-cutter men (or women). I prefer passionate but careful risk-takers - much more interesting...and fun :-).
As for the long break - I know what you mean. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's very enlightening and I've never been happier. I think you're on the right track. Good luck, Beachcomber.

The Beachcomber said...

You give me too much credit, Elle girl! Thanks for seeing all of that and having the courage to say it even though we don't know each other.